Identifying punishing behavior in a relationship is more important than ever in our disconnected and socially isolated world. Being punished in a relationship is different from the typical arguments or conflicts every couple faces.
Punishment in relationships is when one partner purposely tries to make the other feel bad about an action or behavior that they disapprove of. There are many types of punishing behavior in a relationship. Of course, physical abuse must never be tolerated. But punishment often comes in more subtle forms. Refusing affection or intimacy can be used as punishment. And one of the most common — and also most damaging — ways that we do that is by punishing someone in a relationship.
Rather than getting to the heart of the problem and working through it, the lack of communication exacerbates disconnection and pushes you even further apart. As a result, this makes you feel even less in control. When you start to punish your partner, you risk creating a deep level of injury.
There is no love in punishment — only hurt, pain and neglect that leads to:. The partner being punished in a relationship will put up a wall to protect themselves from enduring more pain.
But what is the alternative? How do you express your disappointment and ensure that your partner learns from the experience? It comes down to one key ingredient — pleasure. Dolphins are inherently sensitive creatures. They are highly social, but if something happens that breaks their state, they can fall into a deep frustration. Now, research has shown that when a trainer wants them to step out of that frustration and perform for them, but chooses to do so with force and anger, the dolphin feels that energy and retreats even further.
The point is to stop trying to get from your spouse what they cannot give. Several things happen when you let your husband or wife off the hook. It gives God a chance to do something in their life that they were resisting because they were always resisting you. It makes you a more desirable person to be around.
And it most certainly helps you feel happier and less stressed. You may find that your relationship can be salvaged, and that God can recreate what you thought was lost forever. What have you been trying to get your spouse to do — unsuccessfully? Where is a healthier place you can go to get that need met? Leave a comment below.
So does that mean you are doomed to either continue to live in misery — or leave? Not at all. There is another way. Assess who your spouse is. Is your husband or wife meticulous and careful?
They may never sweep you off your feet for a romantic weekend, ever. Most problems are caused by miscommunication. When you decide to give your husband the silent treatment you are exasperating the problem, not solving it. Perhaps you use the silent treatment because you don't want to yell at your husband, or perhaps it secretly pleases you when he begs to know what he did wrong. No matter the reason, the silent treatment is a punishment that no husband, no matter what he has done, deserves.
He can read your body language so even when you say "I'm fine," he knows it's a lie. The silent treatment never solves the problem but instead is used when you want to emotionally hurt your man because he hurt you. When the silent treatment becomes common in your marriage, both you and your husband are growing distant and your marriage will fall apart.
Communication is key to a happy and healthy marriage. Never use the silent treatment unless you want to see your marriage fall apart, and become unfixable because of years of small punishments that damage you and your husband's relationship. If you do use the silent treatment frequently, stop now and apologize. Have an open and honest conversation with your husband about why you have used this form of punishment. Ask for his help and patience as you try to change. This punishment is long lasting and can have very painful consequences.
When your husband does something you don't like, expresses some concerns, or asks for guy time you might employ one of these tactics:.
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